Scrummy
by vampire cuttlefish
Summary: Xellos calls Filia Fat so she goes on a diet. Our master chef mazoku has a treat for Filia, though. What the heck is he planning? Wow! A bad summery! R&R please! XF


Hi there……..um……This is weird…..

Disclaimer:………no…………….

Without further adeu…story!

Scrummy.

xXx

Filia was SO hungry! She hadn't eaten so little since…..she couldn't remember when! Being a dragon, Filia was used to eating as much as she wanted whenever she wanted to keep her energy from draining (it used a lot of energy to keep in a human shape). Though she seemed to be able to stay human, she had never felt so drained.

She lay with her head on her elbows, her usually silky hair strewn about her shoulders. Her legs curled around the chair legs as if in an effort to harness hidden energy. Delicate fingernails picked at the unfinished clay pot standing in front of her eyes. Sighing, Filia gazed longingly at the refrigerator and cursed the diet she was on with all her soul. She cursed her body, she cursed the diet, she cursed the looming refrigerator, but most of all, she cursed Xellos.

It was HIS fault anyway. He had TRICKED her! No WAY would she have dieted without his provocation.

It had all started about a week…maybe a week and a half ago. It was Amelia's idea to take the group out to dinner. It hadn't been a fancy restaurant; just an average place to get burritos and such. Xellos hadn't shown up at first. Though Filia announced to everyone else that she was impossibly glad he hadn't, a small, nagging pressure welled up in her chest. Refusing to believe it existed, Filia had walked inside with everyone and had parked herself next to Zelgadiss-the one who was the least likely to throw food at her.

Zel ordered coffee, not surprising anyone in the least. Amelia ordered the burrito plate and Lina and Gourry shared about six random entrees with much squabbling. Filia remembered ordering some sort of stew with a potato and a hamburger. She was just about to dig in when she felt a sharp poke on her hip. Blushing more than Zelgadiss blushed when he saw Amelia in a swimsuit, Filia whirled around, her hands plastered to her face in horror. Though she should have predicted it, she almost fell out of her chair at the sight of her poker.

"tsk tsk, Filia-san!" Xellos chortled in his annoyingly happy voice. Zel suddenly focused all his attention onto his coffee in an attempt to ignore everything around him, Amelia told Xellos (though he was ignoring her) that it was unjust to invade someone's personal space, and Gourry and Lina stayed oblivious, fighting over a corn on the cob.

Filia instinctively reached for her mace, yelling, "WHAT'S SO 'TSK TSK', PERVERTED NAMAGOMI?"

Xellos showed no sign of fear or anger or ANYTHING except for raw amusement. Floating over the table, Xellos pointed a finger at his nose. "Oh my! Are you addressing me? How uncivilized but I can only EXPECT that kind of behavior from a DRAGON!" He teleported away quickly as Filia threw her mace at him and appeared sitting on the rafters over the table. "You shouldn't insult people-"He grinned "-especially when you're so FAT!"

"Well, I can insult whoever I—" Filia stopped in mid-sentence and stared up at Xellos. "W-WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?"

"Ah! I'm sorry!" Xellos was talking abnormally loud, "your FAT cheeks must have been squishing your ears so you couldn't hear me. I was just saying that perhaps you should lose some pounds before everyone in the world is sucked into your blubberous body! My finger was almost stuck forever when I poked you before."

With that, he teleported away, leaving Filia sitting in shock. Lina looked up, her face smeared with some kind of sauce. "Eh, Filia. What's wrong? Can I have your food?"

Filia answered with a crying scream and rushed out of the restaurant, trampling some bystanders on her way out.

…………………………………

The clay jar was squashed in her hands. Sighing, Filia pushed the mass away, deducting that she had smooshed it during the heat of her flashback. Lifting her head the slightest bit, Filia wondered why Xellos's words always affected her in such dramatic ways… No, It COULDN"T mean that his opinion mattered….of COURSE not…. It was just…….No…Filia was too weak to think about reasons.

This torture HAD to be doing something! Looking from side to side, Filia checked that no nosy mazoku was spying on her, then she slowly lifted up her skirt until her thigh showed. She poked it, letting her hand sink in. It didn't LOOK abnormally large or anything. Lifting her hand, her leg jiggled ever so slightly….just as it had the 5 minutes ago when she had checked her leg last. Hopeless…

"You're looking as tubby as ever, Filia-sannnnn!" sang a voice from the shadows. Immediately Filia flinched, but couldn't do anything else, due to her immense fatigue.

"Go away, Namagomi!" Filia yelled as best she could. It sounded more like a strangled sob.

"Oh dear. You look like you're about ready to pass out," Xellos said, amused.

"I'm on a diet," Filia flatly stated, pretending she was completely fine with carrots and tofu.

"No wonder your negative energy is especially delicious today!" Xellos tapped the palm of his hand with a fist, making Filia's bloodlust explode over the top. He leaned in closer to her. "I USUALLY would enjoy your energy, but I'm going to cheer you up today."

With that sentence, Filia was immediately suspicious. The words "Cheer you up" coming from a mazoku didn't mean "Cheer you up". It meant something more like "I'm going to play with your emotions so I can enjoy your reaction and see you dance angrily in circles."

Suddenly, a delicious smell reached her nostrils. Rich chocolate fumes wafted into her brain, thick and creamy, even though it was just a smell. It melted heavily over her body, inspiring drool and a craving enough to fill ten golden dragons. What was that scrumptious odor? As she turned around, she licked her lips. Hunger got the better of her. To her horror, she noticed Xellos was holding a plate of small cocoa-colored squares.

Fudge…rich chunks of milky goodness, all rolled into a perfect, bite-sized square.

How DARE he? He was teasing her! Fudge was one of the most delicious, yet fattening food in the universe, especially when made from scratch.

"These are made from scratch, so they're EEEEXTRA rich and EEEEXXTRA juicy…Just PERFECT for a hungry golden dragon" Xellos spoke as if on cue, making Filia's head bang loudly against the wooden table. Why did HE have to come? Filia attempted breathing through her mouth so she wouldn't have to smell the fudge, but Xellos was now wafting the intoxicating fumes over her direction with a portable fan.

"Xellos…go away…" Filia moaned.

A soft flaky sound reached Filia's ears.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Xellos sighed dramatically, "It's SO good! I can't believe how good this is…….mmmmmmmmmmm………ah……….mmmmmmmmm! So nice! It's like I'm eating chocolate silk! …….It's so… wonderful! And what texture! It's so flaky, but so smooth! I can't stand it! Ah—"

"SHUT UP, NAMAGOMI!" Filia yelled, almost in tears due to her fudge lust.

Xellos licked his lips (loudly) one more time, then floated over and lied down on Filia's table, so his face was about a centimeter from hers. She could _taste_ the fudge on his breath. Unable to lean back without falling over and knocking herself out, Filia was forced to stay in her seat, looking at Xellos's annoyingly close face and blinking.

"Come now, Filia-san," Xellos whined, "I really made this just for you. I put tons of work into it."

Unconvinced, Filia turned her head to the side, trying to resist the chocolaty smell as well as Xellos's words. No way was he going to trick her again…though she could detect no dishonesty in his voice. No….he was definitely not lying.

To Filia's surprise, Xellos's eyebrows knitted together as a forlorn expression crossed his face. Slight red fuzz crossed his cheeks. Was he blushing? Was Xellos…an extremely powerful and proud mazoku…blushing?

"I..it's a sorry present. You're not really fat. It was just a joke. Sorry… so eat, okay?" Xellos held out a piece in his hand.

Filia hesitated. He sounded so honest… and truly sad. Should she take his fudge? She felt it…she WANTED to take his fudge, eat it for him….not because she was hungry. For a second, all hunger and grudges disappeared.

Filia took the fudge.

Xellos was right. It WAS heaven. It really WAS rich, creamy, smooth, and silky…almost like eating satin. Licking her fingers, Filia couldn't imagine anything that would taste better.

"Pffff!"

Filia looked up. Xellos was laughing—not just a "hee hee" then its over laugh…this was a laugh that sent Xellos rocking through the air, tears streaming in buckets down his cheeks. He weakly pointed a finger at Filia through his laughter.

She had been tricked! Anger coursed through her. "WHAT? WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME?" Filia yelled.

At first, Xellos only laughed more, so hard he made no sound. Finally, he spoke, "I wasn't lying. That fudge really was for you!" He had another spasm of giggles, adding to Filia's aggravation. "Only FAT dragons would eat fudge with THIS many calories! I had to eat some store bought fudge so I wouldn't become as FAT AS YOU! " Peels of laughter echoed as Xellos teleported away just in time before Filia's mace smashed the place he had once been.

"Y-YOU MONSTER!" Filia screamed after him, although knowing he was probably 100 miles away by then.

No way…..

She would NEVER trust that mazoku again!

But……

It WAS really good fudge.

xXx

First fan fic in awhile. This story was first invented by Hitteh Pitteh but she gave it to me most graciously. Kudos, Hitteh Pitteh! Cheesy ending, I know. Don't string me up and torch me.


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